


Casey vs. The Dorks

by anenko



Category: Chuck - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humour, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-25
Updated: 2007-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 03:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anenko/pseuds/anenko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think that we really bonded."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Casey vs. The Dorks

**Author's Note:**

> Written for megolas, Yuletide 2007.

Buy More's employees could, if one were feeling charitable, be called "quirky."

John Casey was not quirky. He was a scary, bad-ass spy, and very obviously did not belong at Buy More. Chuck was one of the few--very, very few--people who knew about the scary, bad-ass spy business; but that was no excuse for everyone else not to have noticed that Casey was. . . well, something entirely different than _quirky._

Buy More was staffed by oddities and lunatics, and as a whole, they seemed to have accepted Casey into their ranks. He was not, and would never be just one of the dorks, but people had stopped giving him second, startled glances every time he loomed out of an aisle and into Chuck's path.

Lester propped his chin in his hand. He looked past Chuck, into the depths of Casey's territory. "I think he has a thing for you, man," he told Chuck, who barely managed to avoid choking on his own horrified squeak.

"Or your girlfriend," Jeff suggested.

"Or _both_ of you," Anna added.

When bored, the Nerd Herd turned on it's own in a harmless but still deeply annoying fashion. Chuck straightened his shoulders, lifted his head, and prepared to call upon every bit of his authority to break up the gossip and send the Nerd Herd back to work--or at the very least, turn their attention towards someone other than himself.

"If you had to make-out with Casey before you could hook up with Sarah," Jeff said, deeply contemplative, "would you?"

Silence stretched out between them, long and awkward.

"Sarah is hot," Lester said. The others made small sounds of agreement. "Really hot. I think it'd be worth it."

"Hey, that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" Chuck said. As always, part of him thrilled at thinking of "Sarah" and "girlfriend" in the same context. The Nerd Herd stared at him: _yes, and?_ Chuck wavered between his duty as a fake-boyfriend to protect his girlfriend's honour, and the fact that: "okay, yeah, hot."

"So is Casey," Jeff said slowly, ponderously, "if you look at him objectively."

Anna shrugged, clicking her nails absently on the counter she was propped against. "If you go for that type, I suppose." She slanted a look in Chuck's direction. Chuck had never been very good at dodge ball, and the conversational ball Anna lobbed at him left him floored and wheezing: "what do _you_ think, Chuck?"

"You people are obsessed. I am not," Chuck took a deep, fortifying breath, "sleeping with Casey. Nor do I--"

Morgan had been compared to many irritating creatures over the years. He could appear as suddenly as an old cartoon character--appearing at Chuck's side between one moment and the next, as if he'd always been there. "Who's sleeping with Casey?" he said now. "Sarah is? Is it Sarah, man?"

"No," Chuck said. "That's not--"

The Nerd Herd looked at Chuck with solemn faces, full of false sympathy.

Morgan looked between the Herd and Chuck. He sighed heavily, and shook his head. "Chuck, Chuck, my man," Morgan said, setting his hand on Chuck's shoulder and steering him away from the Nerd Herd's immediate vicinity. "You know I'm always here for you. Consider me your very own twenty-four hour help-line."

"Thanks," Chuck said, "but Sarah isn't cheating on me with Casey. Or anyone else."

"You sure?" Morgan said. He threw his shoulders back, and puffed out his chest. "Because I am so ready to take him on."

Chuck ducked his head, smiling despite himself. "He's bigger than us. A lot bigger. I'm pretty sure taking him on wouldn't be a good idea."

Morgan nodded in reluctant agreement. He brightened seconds later, as a new idea took him. "I'll bet I could kick his ass at any game in the Final Fantasy oeuvre, though. I'd make Casey beg for mercy; you know I would." Morgan crumpled his face, and deepened his voice: "wah, wah, wah, Morgan just _owned_ me."

Perhaps sensing that he was being talked about--or realizing that he hadn't appeared out of nowhere to scare Chuck witless in a good number of hours--Casey proceeded to loom out from behind the plasma TV display. His smile was chilling as he bore down on Chuck and Morgan, both of whom remained rooted to the spot in a fantastic display of poor survival skills.

"What were you saying about my ass?" Casey said, still smiling.

Morgan hauled himself up to his full height. "I was saying that it needed a good kicking, Morgan-style. Boo yah!"

Casey snorted. He set a large hand between Chuck's shoulder blades, and pushed him away from Morgan, towards the store's entrance.

"You. Me. Tonight!" Morgan called after them.

The automatic doors slid apart, and Sarah stood there, haloed by sunlight. Chuck's heart leapt, and his breath hitched. She smiled at him, and Chuck briefly gave thought to swooning. Casey's hand was still planted on his back, and the Nerd Herd and Morgan's eyes were still trained on them. Chuck opted to maintain as much dignity as he could manage, and left Buy More under his own power.

"Don't get your hopes up, lover-boy," Casey said, voice low, "we have a job."

Sarah smiled, and if the sweetness of the expression was part of her cover, Chuck couldn't bring himself to care. "Chuck," she said, and reached for his hand. The smell of hot dogs had never made Chuck happier than it did at that moment, as Sarah leaned forward to brush a kiss against his cheek.

The doors slid shut behind Chuck, muffling the sounds of the Nerd Herd's whistles and hoots of encouragement. He didn't care if this moment--this kiss, with Casey standing at attention beside them--would fuel idle gossip for hours to come. He was the one being kissed by a beautiful woman--by _Sarah._

Casey's voice was tight with impatience. "Let's go," he said.

Chuck beamed at them both, smile wide and goofy with pleasure.

* * *

Chuck frowned, gnawing at his lower lip. "She's been gone a long time," he told the back of of Casey's head.

Casey grunted.

"A long time," Chuck repeated, each syllable dripping with worry.

The informant Sarah was meeting didn't quite meet Captain Awesome's levels of wholesome hotness, but--almost. And he'd looked happy to see Sarah. Really, really happy.

"It's been--"

"Ten minutes," Casey said, his voice firm.

"Yes, but. . . I'll just--"

"Stay in the car."

Chuck crumpled back into his seat. His imagination was running wild; he needed a distraction. Unfortunately, Casey had already vetoed Chuck's mixtape, and his suggestion that they engage in a friendly game of Hangman. Engaging Casey in conversation was always fraught with dangers, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Chuck cleared his throat, and offered up an experimental: "So. . ." Casey ignored him. "What made you decide to, you know, become a spy?" Chuck clasped his hands, miming a gun. "Ptoo ptshoo," Chuck said, keeping his fingers aimed far, far away from Casey.

Casey met Chuck's eyes in the rearview mirror. His expression was flat. "I'd always dreamt of being trapped, for hours on end, in a confined space with a talkative _moron_."

"I'm not actually a moron, you know," Chuck said, defensive. He fidgeted before giving into impulse and pressing his face against the car's window, eyes trained on the house across the street. "I'm just worried. And bored. . . But mostly worried."

"Have you always been this needy?" Casey grumbled, more to himself than to Chuck.

"I'm not needy, either," Chuck said, stung. Sure, maybe he depended on Sarah pretty heavily--but that was only because people kept on trying to _kill_ him. While Chuck had plenty of experience in dealing with vicious clients at Buy More, that knowledge wasn't proving very helpful in the bad-ass spy business.

"Keep on telling yourself that, lover-boy," Casey said.

"Have you always been such a _jerk?_" Chuck muttered back.

Casey twisted around in his seat so that he was looking straight at Chuck. "Yes," he said, with a sharp, unfriendly smile. "Now shut up, before _I_ shut you up."

"That much anger can't be healthy," Chuck said, refusing to look away from Casey's scowling face. "Have you thought about taking a vacation? Someplace warm. With froofy drinks and bendy straws, and maybe even a paper umbrella."

Chuck jumped when the car door opened; Casey didn't. Sarah slid into the passenger seat, including both men in her sardonic smile. "You boys play nice without me?"

"I think that we really bonded," Chuck said.

Casey grunted, and started the car.

* * *

Ellie suffered from two major flaws, in Chuck's opinion: she was far too polite, and too sociable (especially with the wrong people: hot girls with anti-dork leanings, Captain Awesome's awesome friends, and Casey).

Still smarting from another long, messy job--in which he'd managed to make all the wrong decisions, _again_\--Chuck wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and forget all about Casey's dark scowl and unforgiving sarcasm. Ellie had very politely ignored Chuck's horrified grimace and invited both Sarah and Casey in for drinks.

Sarah agreed because she was the shining example of the perfect girlfriend--Chuck's girlfriend, even. Casey agreed because he was a _jerk,_ and enjoyed seeing Chuck squirm in discomfort. Chuck suspected he was one of the only CIA agents to have faced this particular social hell.

An hour later, Chuck was clinging to his second bottle of beer, captivated by the sight of Captain Awesome socializing with Casey. Captain Awesome seemed immune to Casey's bad-ass-spy vibes, and had flung a friendly arm around Casey's shoulders.

"You seem like the kind of guy who enjoys a bit of adventure every now and then," Awesome said, glowing with enthusiasm. "The buds and I are going spelunking next month--Chuck turned us down, but maybe you're up for the challenge?"

"Sorry," Casey said, with irony so dry is burned, "I'm a homebody."

Chuck hastily took another gulp of beer.

Awesome laughed, and cheerfully slapped Casey's shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, man; whenever you're ready."

"Yeah," Casey said, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

Morgan had been eyeing Casey since the moment he'd stepped out of Chuck's bedroom--fresh from a window-level entry--and found the other man already settled in, drink in hand. The moment Captain Awesome stepped aside--swooping down on a laughing Ellie--Morgan made his move.

Morgan crowded in on Casey in a move that might have been intimidating if not for two facts: Casey was huge, and it was _Morgan._ While Morgan had a great many talents, subtlety wasn't one of them, and his voice carried clearly to where Chuck was seated next to Sarah, only half-listening to her polished chit chat.

Morgan crossed his arms over his chest, and stared up at Casey. "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time with Chuck recently," he said. Morgan took a deep breath, and poked Casey in the chest as he continued, "and I want you to know that I won't stand for it!"

"Oh, God," Chuck groaned, stopped from dragging Morgan from the room only by the presence of Sarah's hand on his knee. Sarah's touch was warm and gentle, and Casey didn't _really_ kill people just for the hell of it, did he?

Casey's eyes narrowed. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said.

"Don't lie to me!" Morgan said. "Chuck already has a best friend! And I won't let you have him!"

"Chuck," Casey said, very clearly, "is a dumbass. You're a dumbass. I want as little to do with either of you as possible."

"Chuck is prime BFF material," Morgan said, as if Casey hadn't spoken. "He's smart, and funny, and handsome, and he's _my_ best friend." Morgan hesitated, before continuing in a softer voice: "you can have Sarah if you want her that badly, though. She gets even more Chuck-time than you do, and dude, you get a _lot._"

Casey's eyebrows arched. "That's quite the generous offer," he said, voice bland.

Sarah choked on her drink. "Did Morgan just try to _trade_ me?" she hissed in outrage.

Morgan winked. "Bros before--"

Chuck winced. He desperately wished for a flash: drug runners, terrorists, overdue parking tickets, _anything._

Salvation came from an unlikely source. Captain Awesome turned up the volume on the CD player another couple of notches. He beamed at everyone. "Check out these cool new dance moves," Awesome said, and thrust out his hips in a pose that ensured that absolutely no one was thinking about Morgan.

Chuck had to admit that Captain Awesome really was awesome sometimes.

* * *

Morning came too early.

Chuck wearily slunk through Buy More's doors, only to be met by Casey. Chuck squinted at Casey suspiciously. "You're awfully chipper," he said.

"You know how much I look forward to a new day at the Buy More," Casey said. He lowered his voice, and leaned in towards Chuck. "We have a report that terrorists are using video games as a mean of communication; I've been going through our stock of games for the last three hours."

Chuck stared at Casey. "You are such a dweeb," he said.


End file.
